Relationships (Weird)

INTRODUCTION

The following is an account of what is hands down the strangest relationship with a woman I have ever had.  Granted, I am no Don Juan.  But my friends would agree that I am not the ugliest guy in the world either.  I used to play the field quite a bit in college, where I eventually ended up with an attractive, smart girl who I fell in love with and thought of as more or less my equal in many respects. Unfortunately, as college drew to a close, she began to pressure me into marriage, you know, girls have their ways of letting you know, and at 21, that was just something I wasn’t ready for. Okay, so I’m not a total loser in the female department.  I just wanted to get that straight. But certain personal problems, including the lack of any real career other than constant graduate student for most of my life, have contributed to my general ignorance and lack of encounters when it comes to the Female gender in say, the past ten years or so.  In general, when given the choice, women like a guy who has something going for him.  This is a lesson I learned from an upperclassman in High School. But Juliette was a bit different. Okay, she was A LOT different.  But before I get into Juliette and how I “met” her, some background first:

The Crazy Ass Bitch from Santee, California.

By Matthew Weissman

Chapter One, Terrorism Can Really Ruin Your Decade

     Okay you are about to read two chapters of complete horseshit about politics and the history of the U.S., according to me, because I consider it all worthy background information as to how I met this lady.

      Because first of all, I would never have met this lady if it wasn’t for medical marijuana in California. So I consider the election of Barack Obama crucial to this story.  If you disagree, please call 1-800-SUCK-ASS to complain.

     Anyhow, this past year, as March turned to April, I had finished off my spring grow, processed into the finest hashish known to mankind, high-tension “earwax bubble”. Containing approximately 55% THC, the active ingredient in marijuana, the shit was the real thing, el fino’,el puro’, the kind of thing that gets photos in the pot mags and wins awards at the stoner fests. It would take just a light touch with a torch lighter, instantly begin to bubble, then vaporize into thin air while you sucked the smoke into whatever fancy-ass piece of glass you had, sending to your lungs and almost instantly delivering the best marijuana experience available, a knock-down, drag out, all over head and body STONE that would lock your ass to the couch but ironically send you running back and forth to the fridge all night long, chips, dips, ice cream, (better not pick up that phone ‘cause you would order more pizza than you could possibly eat)…

     I had made it from three special strains of high grade pot grown almost exclusively for the connossieur pot clubs that had popped up in San Diego like zits on a nervous 15-year old girl’s  face when she’s on the rag and just broke up with her first real boyfriend.  The Obama administration had promised those of us in the business that he would mind his own business if we contributed to his business, by that I mean through the ballot box (the industry has no real political lobbying arm that I know of in itself. There are a couple of non-profits that represent the idea of legalizing it in general all over the country but no “Medical Marijuana Industry Association”. 

     Before that, for about 3 years, there had been no pot clubs in San Diego.  That was courtesy of a guy from Maine who liked to dress up as a cowboy but who had wound up through a series of,what to many, would seem calamitous circumstances, in the White House,  He is a formerly drunken, now sober member of the Skull & Bones Society at Yale but had grown up and realized that, with his family’s name and connections, he could have a future in politics if he didn’t put it all up his nose first.